Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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