Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
