if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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