Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
