She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
