i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
