Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
