ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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