we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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