no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
