names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
