1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
