My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
