i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
