I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
