if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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