Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Every concussion has its silver lining
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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