her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
