I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
