if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
