So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
