At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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