I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
