question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
