What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
