Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
