Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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