You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
