Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize