I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
