Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
