Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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