guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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