ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
