I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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