hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
