so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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