I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He felt like a one man threesome
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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