I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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