I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
