I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
