what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I want a musical about memes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
