Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
