I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize