i jhust puked up my retainher.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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