I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
