I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
