Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
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