As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
