I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Where did you get a picture of my penis
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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