dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
