Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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