brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
