it was like fucking gandolphs beard
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
