I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
