Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize