i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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