i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize