so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
