Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
