Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
