Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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