Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
ttyl tear gas
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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