i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
