If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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