i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
