There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
