I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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