So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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