thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
