Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
