You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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