He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
