You made me cry and you don't even care
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
