so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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