He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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