6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
