Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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