Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
