You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
