how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
