So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
