If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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