I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
