You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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