She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
