oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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