I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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