shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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