I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
