I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
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