dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
