Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
