I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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