dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
