Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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