WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
