So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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