why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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