He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
