how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
