i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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