when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
