Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Randomize
