Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I love you. Go after that dick
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