You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
